Have I Changed?

Before going on this trip, an acquaintance of mine said, “I wonder how this trip will change you.” I immediately took offence, for no good reason, and thought to myself, “I don’t need to be changed, thank you very much.” Humph.

And now we are nine months in and I’m wondering how the trip has changed me.

We have a good opportunity to think now.

We are in a sleepy village on the sea in Northern Ireland. There’s not a ton of activity. We are mission building at a YWAM base and most of our days are very light. We have painted a few rooms and vacuumed a few floors, changed some bedding, made some good meals for large groups, and met and connected with loads of good people here from all over the world.

We are not overwhelmed with things to do.

There’s just enough so that this is actually a calm season. I go for prayer walks and non-prayer walks. I can jump in the ocean, which I’ve done alone and with the older kids a few times. We watch movies at night. We just click on whatever and watch it. Doesn’t matter what it is so much as it matters what we are doing, relaxing. We are slowly recharging. I’m working on physical mobility exercises and unkinking the body, and doing so at a leisurely pace, which assists with recharging the soul.

This all makes it easier to reflect on any personal changes that the trip has had or is having on me. Not racing from airport to airport or train station to train station, or from country to country for that matter, gives an opportunity for honest reflection.

And, just like a mirror, I’ve been reflecting.

Sorry.

My main reflection is that we do not know what the future holds for the planet or for us, but we know that God is with us no matter what. Weird that it took nine months of wandering Earth to realize this, but it’s true. For over seven years, we had been gearing up for “2026” (the word itself took on magical properties since we said it so often) without a thought for what might come afterwards. I expect to go back to work in a few months. Leona does not. We have a house in our home city. Kids have a good school. Okay then. Crystal clear. I work and kids go to school. The wife makes sourdough bread. Not a lot more detail than that. It would be nice to have a firmer picture of the future but we presently do not.

It’s not that we need to be able to predict the future, crystal-ball style, it’s that we had a clear direction for seven years leading up to the mega-adventure and now we do not.

We also happen to live in turbulent and uncertain times, truly.

There’s little need to dig deeper than the headlines about wars in Iran and Ukraine, Canada potentially joining the European Union (gasp!), trade wars and tariffs, the slow creeping death of freedom of speech and freedom of religion in the West, the rise of Artificial Intelligence…just to name a few. The advent of the internet was the biggest historical event in my lifetime, even more than 9/11, but equally big or even bigger changes appear to loom. From my vantage point, times are getting darker and more difficult as the familiar knowns are eroded, abolished, and replaced by fresh unknowns. Old foundations have turned into quicksand. In truth, the course of Western Civilization has become a great unknown. I cannot fathom the depths of what that could mean for our family, our friends, the faithful, the future.

And whether we realize it or not, whether we feel it or not, whether we even turn our minds to it, we are looking out on the horizon of a vast and unknown future.

Seven dots looking at the sea.

Is any of this about how this trip has brought about changes in me? Yeah, all of it.

The changes have been small but meaningful, maybe incremental. There will not be a “whole new person” walking off the plane back home, but there will be someone with more clearly defined priorities. Being outside of the day-to-day routine has revealed strengths, like the connection our family has to each other, and weaknesses. We were on autopilot back home and, even though the course laid in was solid, relying too much on routine and habit can slowly erode agency. The trip has given me a little bit of that agency back.

I plan to use that agency back home for family, finance, and faith, not necessarily in that order. Details to be provided over coffee.

Travelling has also broadened my thinking about the future. It’s a big world and life is long.

Charting a course going forward is less about geography and more about godly priorities. We all fall short of the glory of God, including me, but the road ahead is a spiritual journey. Our course is being re-set for the New Jerusalem.

In a nutshell, we have no idea what is coming but we are endeavouring to be the kind of people who create the kind of life that can handle whatever life throws at us. One family, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice and love and mercy and compassion and generosity for all.

Dawson