I’m Nervous
As the new year draws ever nearer, I am asked more and more often if the family is getting more excited. I hesitate to answer every time. The first emotion that rises to the surface, literally every time, is anxiety. “We don’t have plane tickets booked, we don’t have renters for the house, we don’t have enough X, Y, or Z, we’ll still have to do A, B, and C…” All those thoughts float to the surface, leaving “excitement” at the bottom of the pot. It’s definitely there, but excitement is pretty elusive at this point.
Looking back at our family history, I believe only three of our five children have ever been on an airplane. The older three flew a few times, but the only one who remembers what it’s like to be on a plane is the eldest son. When we flew to Montréal to see Metallica and the plane shook, I asked him what it was called. He confidently replied, “Turbulation.” I hope he’s not brain-damaged. Anyway, the kids are novices at air travel.
We also have never been on a proper vacation outside the country. Much like Clark Griswold, we’ve piled into the ol’ station wagon (actually, it’s a Honda Pilot) and road-tripped more than once. And those trips are awesome. British Columbia is great. But a trip across planet Earth in multiple stages is something far outside their comfort zones…heck, it’s far outside my comfort zone.
The Matriarch and I haven’t travelled abroad in about twenty years. We are settled in our ways to a point—not as much as most people our age, granted, but we still enjoy our creature comforts and relaxing in the living room at night. It’s going to be a challenge for us. What happens when I can’t get a good coffee in the morning or have too much light or noise at night and can’t sleep? We’ll be at the mercy of the world around us, unable to control what we’re normally used to controlling.
The thought of an emergency, medical or otherwise, also provokes anxiety. Wouldn’t you be nervous about that, too? What are we supposed to do if someone breaks a leg in the middle of nowhere and we don’t even know the language? What are we supposed to do if one of the kids runs off? What if we’re taken hostage by Tren de Aragua? What if a shark bites off my arms? Or my legs? Or another appendage? What if, what if, what if…?
Fear cannot be our master. It’s something we have to fight. Life gives us ten thousand reasons not to do things, and sometimes we have to struggle to find one good reason why we should. Here, there are many good reasons to travel, and those reasons truly outweigh the potential downsides. It’s true that there are risks abroad, but it’s also true that there are risks at home. We don’t live in the safest neighbourhood. Some good kids in the area even carry knives to protect themselves from being assaulted. That’s home now.
It’s the unfamiliar, I suppose, that’s so daunting. The problems here are familiar, and we’ve developed coping strategies. The problems “out there” are unknown and will force us to develop new coping strategies. Yes, problems. That’s where my mind goes. But there are also opportunities. Perhaps at our Family DTS, we will be the people who help change or even revolutionize other students’ marriages and families. Maybe the relationships we build will last a lifetime and have an impact throughout eternity. And maybe, just maybe, the Seven Wanderers will become who they were truly created to be, growing out of their Canadian cocoon into the life they’ve always wanted and dreamed of. I don’t know. I am obviously hoping for the cocoon thing.
All this to say, I’m nervous. Prayers are coveted. I’d prefer to share what I’m actually feeling rather than pretend to be only excited. Trust me, excitement is in there. It really is. But we still have to build the plane before it takes off, and that’s a bit daunting. Thanks for being with us in the midst of the planning and as we eventually launch. Knowing there are good people around us makes all the difference, at least to me.
The Patriarch
