Long Overdue Update…

It’s actually a bit difficult to be fully honest about my experience with YWAM right now.

I do not want to malign anyone or, conversely, give an overly rosy perspective. I’m still in the thick of it, so do not have the benefit of hindsight. Also, this isn’t a Yelp review. I may pour out troublesome thoughts today and flowing praise tomorrow. I worry people may get the wrong idea.

I’m going to be honest anyway.

Our lecture phase in New Zealand started out with unfettered optimism. Within hours of arriving, our eldest went off to YWAM Furnace in Tauranga and the six remaining Wanderers were settled in for the 12 weeks of lecture phase. (The structure of the program is 12 weeks of lectures and about 8 weeks of outreach, depending on the base.) We were impressed by everyone immediately and felt like we’d fallen in with an amazing group of Christians from all around the world. I still basically feel that but the honeymoon phase did slowly melt away in the middle weeks.

A problem developed early on.

When a speaker would say something controversial or incorrect, there would sometimes be questions about the speaker’s statement. There would be in-class discussion, usually healthy but sometimes tense, and plenty of out-of-class discussion. For a few weeks, it was fine. I noticed myself taking on the role of peacemaker. I would be able to summarize the points made by class members and by the speaker, synthesize them into something everyone could understand, make a joke or two, and break the tension so we could move on. Initially, it felt good to be of help. After a few weeks it felt a little annoying to be the one who needed to do this so often. Then it felt burdensome. After a month and a half, it felt like my role in the group, and that was not something I signed up for.

Then there was a week about two months in where the teaching veered into dangerous territory, mostly about demons and faith healing. For example, most Christians believe that God can heal diseases but few will tacitly entertain refusing medical treatment as an act of faith to somehow get that healing. From my vantage point, it was the first time during the lecture phase that real action needed to be taken since the teaching was perpetuating dangerous beliefs. Several in-class and out-of-class discussions took place, all respectful, and then we had a class meeting to discuss together.

This meeting was an invitation to spell out exactly what problems there were with the teaching that week and to bring a strong corrective. So that’s what I did. I spent five minutes giving scriptures related to the issue and pointing to the one or two critical issues that I thought could be solved.

Without going into detail, the class response was startling to me. It left me stunned. I felt hurt, discouraged, and disoriented. My expectations of Christians were apparently way off and those wrong expectations were certainly not met. Perspectives diverged. We did not have the same views on the class and probably shared different worldviews overall.

 There were numerous spiritual experiences that coincided with this discouragement, which made me feel very raw. The spiritual experiences were amazing and straight from God but felt like heart surgery. There’s some recovery time. And it’s deep stuff. So…I was hit with a double whammy.

After that timeframe, I did not want to be in New Zealand anymore.

I did not want to go to Fiji on outreach.

I wanted to take the reins back and steer the remaining months of DTS to another location or leave and explore somewhere else for that time. Turns out though that having a family sometimes means not always getting what I want. I have to gloss over some details again at this point, but necessary conversations did not happen and I made the choice to buck up and improve my attitude about YWAM, outreach, etc.

That helped a small amount… 

But immediately before outreach there were some relational conflicts…that…will also be glossed over. God gave me even more clarity about expectations and about people. Thanks for that, God. I didn’t even have to ask for it but he just gave it. Actually, as I type this, I’m reminded of the numerous times I’ve prayed for guidance and for clarity. Maybe these experiences are part of God’s gracious answer to my prayers. I certainly have more clarity so who knows.

In the end, I entered outreach very unsettled indeed.

The first two weeks, people on Team Fiji were hit with trial and after trial and illness after illness. Our family was fine. We’re still fine. A couple of the kids had fevers briefly and have been fighting coughs. One got a pretty bad bump on the head yesterday but he’s recovering. We had one hospital visit for stepping on a rusty nail (got antibiotics). Hmm, maybe we’ve had more difficulties that I realized, but they’re nothing we’re not able to take in stride.

I think I’ll end this blog entry now and give some reflections on the Fiji experience later.

Have a good one.

Dawson